Get On, Clip In, Fall Off

Claims Direct

I only just noticed today how appropriate it is that way too many of the adverts on Eurosport during the Tour de France are for ambulance-chasing claims firms. You know the kind of thing - "I was walking into my office and slipped on a wet floor with no warning signs. I had to go to hospital and was in great pain."

Maybe they're looking for some business from the professional cycling world. I could script some new adverts for them if they like -

"I was riding along at the back of the peloton and a spectator suddenly stood out in front of me on a piece of road which hadn't been barriered. I came off my bike, gouged my knee badly and lost my sunglasses. Accident Claims R Us helped me get back on the bike, and I got £5000 from the local council. - Mark C., T-Mobile"

"I was collecting musettes in the feed zone, and a bag got tangled in my spokes and made me crash heavily. The bag didn't carry any warnings about the possibility of this happening. I suffered severe grazing and blood loss, finished 44 minutes behind the leaders, needed hospital treatment and had to exit the Tour de France. Accident Claims R Us helped me, and I was able to get £12000 from my directeur sportif for the distress and pain this caused. -Geoffroy L., Cofidis"

"My chain slipped with no advance warning and made me lose my balance, causing me to crash. I had to wear out my entire team getting back to the back of the pack, spent hours in hospital, and started the next day's stage looking very silly with both knees heavily stitched and bandaged. The pain was tremendous, but worse, the honour of Kazakhstan was damaged and I may now not be able to win the Tour de France. Accident Claims R Us were happy to help me, and I got £8000 from Campagnolo for the distress this has caused me and the Kazakh people. -Alexander V., Astana"