comparative-religion

From mpk@library.lspace.org Fri Apr 11 09:37:07 BST 1997
Article: 8531 of alt.fan.pratchett
Path: lspace.org!news.lspace.org!not-for-mail
From: mpk@library.lspace.org (Mike Knell)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: Re: Pagans (was:Goodbye Ridcully and Granny??)
Date: 11 Apr 1997 09:35:31 +0100
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In article ,
Barry Vaughan   wrote:
>In article , Supermouse
> writes
>>Anyone becoming a Pagan *must* do so with the full and certain knowledge
>>that *FROM THAT TIME ONWARDS* they are a *legitimate target* for three-
>>hour-long talks from *any* born-again-Christian who gets within talking
>>range.
>
>That effects us atheists too. Would you like me to send you
>some lists of passages from the wholly babble that the xtians
>would rather just sweep under the carpet? Did you know that
>bats are birds? That the bible justifies rape and murder?
>That usually shuts them up pretty quickly!

Blah, blah, blah.

The only thing all religions (I'm including atheism *and* paganism in 
this) have in common is that their practitioners have a nasty habit of
starting long flamewars in netnews, and tend to get smugly superior in
discussions of comparative religion. So, as a quick guide, I'd like to
present:

MIKE'S GUIDE TO COMPARATIVE RELIGION
====================================

"Christians" - as opposed to C of E, Catholic, or any other proper
               demonination. Will tend to tell you several times a minute
               that Jesus died for your sins, and/or that he loves you.
               (Ref. yesterday's "Barney" rant. I'm not drawing any
               parallels.) Alarming tendency to crap liturgical dancing and 
               happy-clappyness, occasionally accompanied by wearing of 
               hideous rainbow-coloured jumpers.

Pagans,      - See above. Fortunately, don't try to convert you as much as
Wiccans,       Christians do, but instead will tend to tell you several
Whatever       times a minute that "I'm a pagan, actually". Alarming
               tendency to tree-hugging and crap stuff involving crystals, 
               ley line obsessions, wittering on about the Earth-mother 
               and not having a bath for several months,  occasionally 
               accompanied by wearing of ridiculous robes and/or "ethnic"
               garb, or even nothing at all.

Hindus       - Generally keep relatively quiet in afp - we haven't had a 
               Hinduism flamewar yet. Don't try to convert you at all (well,
               _I've_ never had anyone turn up on the doorstep informing me
               that Rama loves me). Alarming tendency to huge and complicated
               belief structures,  and more gods than you can shake a stick
               at, occasionally accompanied by a sprinkling of brightly-
               coloured powder.

Buddhists    - Keep themselves to themselves, in general. Spend hours 
               contemplating the concept of "love" and "god", and whether it 
               has the Buddha-nature or not. Alarming tendency to huge and 
               complicated prayer structures (drums, flags, etc.) which 
               constituted the world's first spiritual labour-saving devices,
               occasionally accompanied by a brief, but astonishingly wise
               and witty, koan. (Saffron robes not included.)

Muslims      - Also relatively quiet in afp. Will certainly try to convert
               you, but still won't inform you that Allah loves you. Solid
               and astonishing depth of faith. Alarming tendency to
               bloodcurdling descriptions of hell (their skins shall be 
               roasted off them, and they shall be given new skins so these
               can burn too..) followed by cheerful descriptions of heaven
               (wine-fountains and virginal females), always accompanied by 
               wearing of prayer-caps.

Jews         - Generally keep themselves to themselves. Certainly won't try
               to convert you ("You want to become a WHAT?") and don't seem
               to have many opinions one way or the other as to whether 
               The Unnamed Big Guy Upstairs loves you or not. ("Well, he's 
               just this guy, y'know?"). Alarming tendency to guilt 
               complexes and astonishingly complicated dietary laws,
               occasionally accompanied by wearing of long overcoats and
               beards.

Atheists     - Usually tremendously vocal. Have problems with conversion
               either way. Will tend to tell you several times a minute
               that nobody loves you, and that the bible endorses (a) rape, 
               (b) infanticide and (c) Rikki Lake. Alarming tendency to use 
               phrases like "outmoded belief system", invariably accompanied 
               by a secret fear that in fact the Jews/Christians/Muslims are 
               right and they're going to burn for all eternity when they 
               kick the bucket.

There. I hope this clears up any confusion.

mpk





-- 
   Mike Knell -- a Good, Safe Alternative to Wholesale Murder. ((c) jldomini)
    Thirty quid? For one clarkycat?  - -  http://www.cs.nott.ac.uk/~mpk/