As a crowd of passengers wait on the southbound Bakerloo Line platform, the station PA springs to life with a bing-bong. They brace themselves for further news of the latest delays and suspensions. But the announcement isn't a delay, it's a personal call:
"If there is a Stephen Lewis on the station, please make yourself known to a member of staff. Stephen Lewis, please make yourself known if you are on this station. Thank you."
Stephen Lewis fights his way through the crowds on the southbound platform to the blue-uniformed woman standing next to the back wall. "Er, I'm Stephen Lewis - you paged me?"
She smiles at him and holds a brief conversation with her radio. "We've got a message for you.."
Twenty seconds later, the waiting passengers are startled by a sudden cry of "A girl! Eight pounds! And two weeks early!" as Stephen Lewis heads for the escalators and the first available train straight back home.
A train pulls into the eastbound District Line platform. The driver makes a PA announcement.
"This is Edgware Road. This train terminates here. All change, please, all change. This train terminates here. For eastbound stations including Euston Square, Kings Cross, Liverpool Street, Aldgate, and all stations to Plaistow and Upminster, please cross the platform. Once again, this is Edgware Road, this train terminates here. All change, all change."
As passengers pile off he shuts the train down, grabs his bag and starts walking through the train to change ends before returning to Wimbledon. A young man is sitting by himself in the third carriage from the front.
"Excuse me? Is this train going to Kings Cross?"
An elderly gentleman walks into the station, looks vaguely at the ticket machines, then heads for the barrier.
"Can I see your ticket, Sir?"
The old man idly waves a hand. "You don't need to see my ticket."
"I don't need to see your ticket."
"I can continue my journey."
"You can continue your journey."
He strolls through the gate and heads for the Jubilee line. The assistant looks at his retreating back, starts to say something, then shakes his head to clear it and shuts the gate.
"This is a passenger announcement.
"The 1736 departure to Hell, calling at Purgatory, Hades and all
stations to Dis, is currently delayed due to staff shortages and
emergency track maintenance in the Abaddon area. In addition, all services
from this station are currently experiencing delays owing to a lost soul
under a train at Pit of Despair Junction. We apologise for the delay,
and hope to have our regular services to hell running more or less
smoothly by 2008. In the meantime, please remain in Limbo and await further
information.
"Thank you."
The station gates are locked shut during the morning rush hour. A sign conveys London Underground's apologies for the fact there is no service on the Underground today owing to industrial action as temporarily tubeless travellers stream across Hungerford Bridge, washing around the sides of the closed station as they walk to work from Waterloo.
Others crowd onto already-crowded buses while still others remain at home, muttering to themselves and cursing the RMT (or, depending on their outlook, the intransigence of LUL management) for forcing them to take a day off because they wouldn't be able to face the journey into town.
Just for one day, Londoners are reminded what life would be like if the Tube wasn't there. And tomorrow, just for the one day, they'll be glad it's there again.