"This is a passenger announcement.
"The 1736 departure to Hell, calling at Purgatory, Hades and all
stations to Dis, is currently delayed due to staff shortages and
emergency track maintenance in the Abaddon area. In addition, all services
from this station are currently experiencing delays owing to a lost soul
under a train at Pit of Despair Junction. We apologise for the delay,
and hope to have our regular services to hell running more or less
smoothly by 2008. In the meantime, please remain in Limbo and await further
information.
"Thank you."